waiting, shivering
by Plum'oh
Summary: CQL 'verse, pre-episode 20. / Lan Wangji, fighting in the Sunshot Campaign and searching, for three months.


**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Lan Wangji, fighting in the Sunshot Campaign and searching, for three months.

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.

* * *

**One-shot:** waiting, shivering

News travel fast when war is at everyone's doorstep—maybe they bring the imminent battle faster by fueling people with rage and indignation.

Lotus Pier was conquered by means of a gruesome massacre. No disciples and servants left. The sect leader and his wife both succumbed fighting off the enemy, and their children as well as the head disciple went missing.

Lan Wangji answers the summon to Lanling from the Jin sect immediately to retaliate. All major sects are gathering their main forces to lead attacks on the Wen sect and take back what wasn't theirs to get hold of. He follows Chifeng-zun's orders quietly, assesses the situation and suggests their next move. He is praised for his prowess in battle even without Bichen at his side, but all he can think about is his inability to help where he should give a hand. He isn't where he's supposed to be, because he doesn't know where that is.

News travel fast, but not fast enough when they get their first rumors about the remnants of the Jiang sect. Jiang Yanli is brought to Jinlintai by a man—Song Zichen—Lan Wangji recognizes from their quest for the Yin iron; they are alone and unharmed, but Jiang Yanli is too dazed to properly greet them and give them answers.

"Young Master Wei entrusted me to keep Maiden Jiang safe until we reach Jinlintai," Song Zichen says, nodding towards Jin Zixuan. "We've been traveling for a few days, I'm afraid I don't know what are the current whereabouts of Young Masters Wei and Jiang."

Of course. At least they are well enough to devise a plan to send their shijie away from the Wen sect, Lan Wangji thinks. He leaves Jiang Yanli in Jin Zixuan's care—all he can do is wait, and prepare.

* * *

Ten days later, Jiang Wanyin shows up at Jinlintai, pale and harried, alone. He grits his teeth when he surveys the small party that welcomes him, eyes searching but also haunted, making it hard to decipher what his train of thoughts is. Lan Wangji wastes no time.

"Where is Wei Ying?"

Jiang Wanyin flashes him a furious look, full of resentment with a hint of despair that Lan Wangji doesn't want to ponder on. So much time has passed since the massacre of Lotus Pier; anything could have happened.

"I don't know," comes the reply through raw pain.

There is a cold dread that is slowly settling in Lan Wangji's stomach, and he doesn't know if it will stop growing any time soon. Jiang Wanyin must have looked for his brother, before joining the others for the Sunshot Campaign; it is no use feeling anger towards him, for they are all wishing for the same thing.

* * *

Days pass. The disciples regroup, train and cultivate as much as possible. Chifeng-zun and Lan Xichen discuss the tactics and make maps of the territories they have reclaimed and of those that should be their next target. If he's not participating in the war council, Lan Wangji finds himself with too much free time for his liking. There is, of course, always something to do, like meditating and checking up on the army, or visiting the villages to gather information; but in the end, he doesn't feel he's doing much unless he knows there is progress in their advance towards their objective. Every small victory boosts everyone's confidence and morale, which is necessary to ensure they stay in good spirits until the end.

Lan Wangji isn't unhappy about their string of successes, but he can't help feeling hollow.

"We plan on marching towards Gusu next battle," Jin Zixuan informs him, staying a reasonable distance away from Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji simply turns around to acknowledge Jin Zixuan's statement. Burning the Cloud Recesses and stationing at the borders have made the Wen soldiers too complacent.

"Chifeng-zun and Zewu-jun firmly believe we have a chance to win, if we keep this pace."

"Results were conclusive. There is hope."

Jin Zixuan makes a strange noise at that, but agrees nonetheless. They don't talk a lot, the two of them; Lan Wangji doesn't talk much to anyone, actually, and maybe that's why he thinks days are too long. His brother is busy, Jin Zixuan has his own sect to take care of, and he has never had any real conversation with Jiang Wanyin. Lan Wangji wouldn't know what to say to any of them anyway, cooped up in his thoughts as he is.

(He's just waiting to hear the right voice.)

"I'm impressed by your calm, Second Master Lan," Jin Zixuan says. "You seem to see the long-term objective as clearly as your brother."

Lan Wangji glances at Jin Zixuan, who isn't showing any disdain or admiration on his face. He is merely telling facts, or what appears as facts to him—Lan Wangji doesn't know what kind of image the other sects have of him, in his current state after fighting for weeks without uttering a word to them, but this isn't going to steer him away from his wishes.

"It is necessary."

Jin Zixuan takes precious seconds to stare at Lan Wangji, his eyes wandering everywhere on his face, then he slowly nods, like he finally solved an enigma.

"I will take my leave."

Lan Wangji inclines his head silently, watching the retreating back of Jin Zixuan walking towards what he assumes is the guest quarters.

* * *

Jiang Wanyin is more obvious in his irritation and impatience than any of them.

"The Wen-dogs will all die by my hand. I will interrogate every single one of them, then I'll kill them."

Lan Wangji wonders what it feels like, to act upon his feelings freely and let the world know the grief he's carrying. He wonders how one can be so confident in their emotions that they burst with passion. Is it that natural to display such raw vulnerability? Jiang Wanyin should know that people will use his short temper against him, if he keeps barking and seething in rage.

"We are tracking the wrong group," Lan Wangji indicates.

"I know, alright? We need to find Wen Chao. That bastard must know something."

The air is sizzling with Zidian's sparks, mirroring its master's emotions and letting out an angry hiss of lightning. Jiang Wanyin strikes down yet another Wen soldier and brings down the entire outpost they were hiding in. Everyone is watching with rapt attention, but this spectacle has become ordinary after a month on the road. Lan Wangji lost count of the number of people he forced to their knees, only for them to beg for their lives and not answer any of his questions.

_Where is Wei Ying?_

It is getting frustrating and distressing. None of these low ranking cultivators knows anything beyond the fact that Wei Wuxian of YunmengJiang sect disappeared, most likely left rotting in a ditch somewhere in Qishan or Yiling. They gossip as if they are important but they are nothing.

For all of Jiang Wanyin's anger and his constant need to yell, he doesn't talk much to Lan Wangji, outside of devising plans and discussing their next move. Lan Wangji shares even less in common with the Jiang sect heir than with Jin Zixuan. Wei Ying has always been a buffer, bringing the two of them into a conversation or easing the atmosphere with a joke of his to get a reaction out of Jiang Wanyin. There is also something inexplicably heavy between the two of them, as if Jiang Wanyin couldn't stop his face from frowning whenever he looked Lan Wangji's way.

He doesn't have time to ponder much on the subject, though, as they leave this place and head for the next one. The roads are paved with Wen corpses they don't really care about, left there until the end of the war. The disciples accompanying them always stay a respectable distance away from them when they start interrogating enemy cultivators, like they instinctively understand it is not their place to meddle in their leaders' affairs. Lan Wangji is at least grateful they aren't shamelessly prying before his eyes.

"You know, Second Master Lan, I always thought you hated him."

Jiang Wanyin's voice is not loud, but it's forceful, making anyone he's addressing turn their head in his direction to face his words. Lan Wangji isn't impressed, but he recognizes a serious conversation when he sees one—more so when the person mentioned plagues his thoughts.

"You barely acknowledged him, when we were studying in the Cloud Recesses, and he kept bothering you with his stupid pranks. You don't strike me as someone who would let anyone come near you without a valid reason." Jiang Wanyin licks his lips, eyes fixed ahead, not once looking at Lan Wangji. "But here you are, beating into submission those Wen-dogs to tell us where he is."

He heard the rumors, of course. He heard the way people talked about his relationship with Wei Ying, one of courtesy and one-sided (little do they know that the one-sided feelings come from the other party). He never felt the need to clarify the nature of their relationship, for it's none of their concern. Jiang Wanyin, on the other hand, seems to have come to conflicting realizations.

"I do not hate him," Lan Wangji says. "Never did."

Jiang Wanyin snorts. "Yeah, for whatever reason, apparently. Wei Wuxian is a nuisance and he's always talking about you, and you tolerate him." He pauses again, longer this time. "I guess I was surprised to see someone else looking for him so fiercely."

Lan Wangji's footsteps slow as he processes this piece of information, glancing at his companion, but he stays silent. It sounded more like an observation than a remark that needed to be replied to.

He simply keeps walking, and Jiang Wanyin doesn't speak to him until the end of their hunt.

* * *

Destroying outposts and reducing the army of their enemy was the task entrusted to them, but Lan Wangji is fully aware that his brother sent them out because they were becoming restless. Jiang Wanyin couldn't sit still, always demanding for updates and itching for a fight, so Lan Xichen suggested, with his usual soothing smile, that leaving Lanling should benefit the both of them. He cast one look at Lan Wangji, and Lan Wangji knew this wasn't up for debate. He was grateful.

It's been a few days since his last meaningful conversation with Jiang Wanyin, but Lan Wangji doesn't wish to pursue the topic or initiate any other sort of discussion not pertaining to their current issue. If Jiang Wanyin has something to say, he will make himself known.

He hasn't dared taking his guqin out and run his fingers on it for the familiar tune of Inquiry. Nothing points to the possibility his questions will be answered (but nothing proves the reverse, either). He won't let himself be overwhelmed with unnecessary scenarios that will only bring him grief impeding their mission—because in the grand scheme of things, stopping the Wen sect is the priority, despite what he personally seeks. This sect is harming lives, and Lan Wangji will not stand for it, all the more so after his loved ones were hurt by them.

The sword at his waist doesn't have Bichen's glare or might, but it's efficient to neutralize his opponents, while his guqin sends waves of energy to deal more damage. He takes the lives of cultivators as if it was the natural order of things; were it merely a few months ago, he'd have recoiled at the thought of carelessly killing people. But it is an unavoidable war, and change doesn't inherently lead to horrible mindsets, despite the current situation.

After another two weeks on the road and another small victory that didn't relieve the weight he's carrying, Lan Wangji is silently sitting at a table in an inn with Jiang Wanyin, while the other disciples are eating and drinking at other tables.

"...How do you even stay so unfazed with all the crap that's happening?" Jiang Wanyin finally exhales, rubbing Zidian. He looks exhausted.

Jin Zixuan made a similar offhand comment about his attitude towards the whole campaign. Lan Wangji can ask the opposite; how can they let their emotions overtake their minds?

"We are taught that way," he replies evenly, fingers curling around his cup of tea.

Nothing good ever comes out of acting on impulse; keeping a clear head on the matters at hand leads to fruitful results, or that's what he believes. Even if his mind is preoccupied, thinking about countless things, he can't simply walk away from the bigger picture to let himself consumed by grief or anger.

(And, if by focusing on the main task helps resolving more personal issues, then he's glad for it.)

"That's why people think you're cold and disinterested in everything." Something hot flashes in Jiang Wanyin's eyes, his mouth set in a tense line. "I can't understand."

"No need."

He's hardly the first person to tell him that—Lan Wangji is well aware he doesn't have the same charisma as his brother, but this knowledge isn't life-changing for him since there is no need for him to adjust to other people's opinions. He and Jiang Wanyin are different in their essences; he doesn't expect him to understand.

"Nothing we can agree on, huh? Sounds about right." The edge of the words trembles, like they are uncertain in their aggravation.

Lan Wangji has nothing to say, so he takes a sip of his tea, and thinks that he will never see eye to eye with Jiang Wanyin.

* * *

Chifeng-zun leads the operation on Qinghe while Lan Wangji and Jiang Wanyin continue cleaning the borders of Qishan of the Wen sect. As reluctant as Jiang Wanyin was, he let Jin Zixuan take care of Jiang Yanli at Jinlintai while he is away, so perhaps the stress of not knowing how she has been doing for the past two months is weighting him down. Lan Wangji has no words to offer, and even if he is certain Jin Zixuan will keep his word, he can't wash away Jiang Wanyin's worries by telling him this. His own brother is somewhere collecting data and can be attacked any moment, but he trusts him to stay safe.

"It's the fifth outpost we've destroyed," Jiang Wanyin grumbles.

"The borders are closely watched," Lan Wangji comments, surveying the familiar path. "Ahead. Their biggest camp."

Jiang Wanyin must have realized where they are heading, as his eyes narrow and his fingers twitch. Down the road is the place the Wen indoctrination took place, where they had to give up their swords and where someone should have an answer. They must.

It's been three months.

They walk quietly, but each footstep resounds and each thought rings out. If no clue is delivered to them, Lan Wangji doesn't guarantee he will maintain a calm façade anymore.

They easily take care of the guards at the entrance; his guqin sends them flying and one strike of Zidian is enough to incapacitate them. Some disciples stay behind to make sure nobody is hiding while they proceed forward, climbing the stairs leading to the commander of the camp. Halfway through his ascent Lan Wangji hears laughter and mockery and bragging, like they are in any right to laugh at people's misery and death. Those soldiers speak of nonsense and it makes his blood boils.

He plucks a single string of his guqin.

The hurried steps and alarmed cries are almost satisfying to hear, but Lan Wangji makes sure to look each one of them in the eye before Jiang Wanyin joins him and unleashes Zidian on them. Disgust isn't a feeling that Lan Wangji thought he'd experience so much in so short a time; it's an ugly twist in the stomach that renders him speechless—how can human beings display such cruelty to their own kind?

It's with this uncomfortable feeling that he takes the last step on the platform, glaring at them.

"Kneel."

His voice sounds like thunder and carries orders. They are quick to obey, fear written all over their faces, heads bowed.

"Where is Wei Ying?"

The same question, over and over, and he's always met with wary gazes and shared looks. But this time, they were clearly talking about an event they witnessed. Lan Wangji has no patience left.

"Speak!"

One of them squeaks and rattles off what he knows, about the Burial Mounds and how long ago it happened, and the lead in Lan Wangji's stomach sinks further, further, dragging his whole body down. Old and cold dread clogs his blood like a permanent poison, and he barely notices when he orders the disciples to bind the prisoners before walking down the stairs. Absentmindedly, he hears Jiang Wanyin follow him, just as quietly as he had when he arrived at Jinlintai, dispirited.

Three months. They have searched for three months, and they report that Wei Ying is undoubtedly dead, broken and lost in the abyss. Lan Wangji won't believe it. He won't believe it until they retrieve a body, until they dethrone the Wen sect.

Wei Ying is alive—there is no other way.

* * *

Hello, thank you for reading! I loved CQL so much ugh I've always wanted to write something about LWJ and JC during these three months despite their inability to have a conversation. A review would be much appreciated!


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